


Unbecoming

by coolbreezemage



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ambiguous Gender My Unit | Byleth, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 17:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20439686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolbreezemage/pseuds/coolbreezemage
Summary: The Professor witnesses an altercation between Ferdinand and Bernadetta. Ashamed of his actions, Ferdinand hides himself away. Linhardt talks some sense into him.





	Unbecoming

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Ferdinand + Bernadetta Support conversations.

“Bernadetta, you leave me no choice…” 

Ferdinand had barely gotten his arms around her before he found himself on the ground staring up at her frightened face. And then she turned, and jumped. 

“Professor!” she yelped. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt him.” She cowered back towards the door. “Way to go, Bernie...”

Ferdinand stood, brushing gravel from his sleeves, as the Professor took in the scene, eyes moving between the two of them. "Bernadetta, you haven't done anything wrong. You can go back to your room."

“I'm sorry!” she squeaked again, and fled, pulling the door closed behind her. Ferdinand winced, and it wasn't because of his sore wrist. 

"Ferdinand. Come with me." The Professor strode off, leaving him to follow behind like a scolded child. 

His blood went cold when he realized what that exchange must have sounded like. What must the Professor think of him?

"Professor. I swear on my life, _on_ _my_ _honor_, that I had no intention of... of taking advantage." The mere thought made him shake with rage. "If I witnessed anybody attempt such a thing... I would kill him without hesitation."

The Professor did not look at him. "I know."

It should have been a relief, but it stabbed him all the deeper. How low he had fallen, to have to protest that he was not a beast and have that be his only defense? 

“I should never have imposed on her,” he said as they climbed the stairs to the second level. “I thought only that the isolation might be harmful to her well-being…” Though clearly not as harmful as his own foolish actions had been. 

The Professor showed him into his own room and shut the door. Ferdinand sat at his desk and waited, tense, for whatever judgment he was to be handed. 

Finally, the Professor spoke. "I would have thought that a nobleman such as yourself would know better than to lay your hands on a woman who has told you repeatedly to leave her in peace."

The words struck him like a lance to the chest.

The Professor was waiting for a response. Somehow he recovered his voice, though it rasped painfully in his suddenly-tight throat. “I have behaved shamefully. I have been arrogant, and I have hurt her. I know you expected better from me.” He swallowed. “So did I."

Silence. 

There was something else he needed to say, while he still had the voice for it. "Professor."

"What is it?"

"Please do not let her feel badly over this. The blame is mine and mine alone.”

“I will try.” The Professor studied him. He wanted to hide himself away from those dark eyes, but he could not move. "You are injured?"

He realized he'd been rubbing his sprained wrist. How undignified. Was he to lose all his honor today? He pulled his hand away. 

"I..." He shook his head. "Leave it. I deserve it."

"It will impact your training."

Unable to protest further, Ferdinand nodded. The Professor raised a hand, and the healing spell illuminated the room for a single instant of glorious peace. Within that grace, the lingering ache melted away as if it had never been. And then the light died away, leaving only cold darkness. It could heal his body, but it could not burn away his disgrace. 

The Professor departed without another word, leaving Ferdinand alone with his thoughts and his shame. Mercifully, the door closed before the first traitorous tears could fall onto the desk. 

***

He did not know how long he wept, only that his throat and eyes burned from it. He tried to turn himself to his studies, but the pages blurred before his eyes. What was the point, if he was unfit for his station?

He thought of Bernadetta, alone and scared and _violated_. How had he ever thought any of that in the least acceptable?

Someone knocked on the door, jolting him from his thoughts. It was Linhardt, blinking owlishly at him and bearing a tray of food. 

"The Professor sent me," he said, and yawned. "Perhaps I should have enrolled in the Academy as a courier. I've already brought a tray to Bernadetta." If Linhardt could tell he’d been weeping, he said nothing of it.

“Oh. Yes. I see. Thank you,” Ferdinand managed. A moment later he thought to take the tray and move it to the desk.

"If I may ask, what happened today? I've heard the strangest rumors. And you were missed at dinner. But as far as I know, you've not been confined to your room..." He glanced around as if he expected to find the reason for Ferdinand's seclusion pinned to the wall somewhere. 

Ferdinand looked down. “I thought it best I not show my face tonight. I have... conducted myself improperly." Was he truly too much of a coward to say more? To let his friend know what he had done and allow him to judge him for it?

To his surprise, Linhardt _laughed_ at this confession. "Knowing you, that could mean any number of things, from the utterly innocent to the most heinous and severe." He shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. "But I suppose I will not pry."

He could have left it there, left his crime unspoken, but Linhardt’s gentle and concerned gaze was too much to bear. "You do not understand. I attempted... I attempted to _drag_ Bernadetta from her room against her will. Because I had decided that what was best for her was to be among people."

Linhardt winced. “That was one of the things I heard. I had hoped it wasn't true.”

How many had witnessed his disgrace? His throat burned. He turned away, silently willing Linhardt to leave before he lost his dignity yet again. 

A sigh. “I am not here to judge you. I'm simply here to bring you dinner. Please try to eat some of it.”

When he turned around, Linhardt was gone. He managed a few bites of the meal, if only to ensure that the efforts of Linhardt and the kitchen staff did not go to waste, but the food felt like dust in his mouth. He set the rest aside, blew out his candles, and sat on his bed in the growing dark. 

He slept wretchedly, what little rest he could find broken by dreams of his friends and allies turning their backs on him, of Bernadetta ducking fearfully as he passed, of the Professor’s eyes burning into his soul. 

***

“Still here, I see?” Linhardt asked when he delivered Ferdinand’s tray the next evening. “You know, just because you upset her, it doesn't mean you have to turn into her.”

“How is she?” he asked, fearing the answer. 

“Bernadetta? She's doing well. She was at dinner tonight. We've been exchanging books. I've spent most of the afternoon reading a truly fascinating volume on exotic plants. Well, when I wasn't sleeping, at least.” He held out a sheaf of papers. “Professor Hanneman gave a seminar today. I thought you'd be interested, so I've brought you my notes.”

He took the papers, squinting at the title in Linhardt's spidery handwriting: _The Application of Magic in Mounted Warfare_. 

“I thank you.” He put the notes on his desk to read later. 

Linhardt watched him. “Have you left your room at all today?”

“I cannot show myself. I have-”

“Yes, yes, I know, you have behaved intolerably and the Professor is disappointed in you, you've said.” He yawned. 

Ferdinand stared at him. How could he take it so lightly? "You do not find this reprehensible?"

Linhardt frowned. "Reprehensible? It was not well done of you, and you certainly ought to apologize, but I don't see how it's something worth shutting yourself away over."

“It is not that simple.” If only it was. 

“Hmm. I suppose you haven't noticed the number of times I've said something insensitive without realizing it. If hurting someone unintentionally was as unforgivable as you say, I certainly wouldn't have any friends. And yet I do. It's no different for you.”

Was that hope he felt? Hope that he could somehow redeem himself? No. He could not hope to get off so lightly after what he had done. 

“Think about it,” Linhardt said. “In the meantime, I'm going to take a nap.”

Ferdinand blinked. “It's evening.”

“I know that,” Linhardt yawned, “but there's an astronomy class tonight I want to attend, so I'd like to get some sleep first.”

He left Ferdinand alone to consider his suggestion, consider the idea that he might be able to mend the harm he'd done and regain his honor. Yet shame still clenched his heart, biting deeper every time he recalled what he had done.

***

Linhardt appeared again at his door the next morning while he was pondering how dishonorable it would be to beg off classes for the day so that he would not have to trouble the Professor and Bernadetta with the sight of him. Or maybe so that he would not have to face them himself. No, it was too cowardly to even contemplate. 

“Well?” Linhardt questioned. “Are you coming to class today? I see no locks keeping you here.”

“What are you doing?” Ferdinand had to ask. “You are not angry with me?”

“No. Because you are already angry enough at yourself, and I see no point in duplicating another's work. Saves me the effort. And personally, I see no point in your suffering further over it. It serves no useful purpose, not to you or Bernadetta or to anyone.”

“It is what I deserve,” Ferdinand insisted. “It is what I would demand had I seen another man act the way I have.”

“That might be so, but what will come of hurting yourself like this? Besides, as far as I've heard, she knocked you down before you got very far.”

“She should not have had to.”

Linhardt sighed. “What do you want me to say to you? Yes, you behaved poorly. But it does not make you a monster.”

“I am no better than a common scoundrel.”

“No, that's not true.” He shook his head. “A common scoundrel wouldn't lock himself away out of fear of hurting others, or so desperately seek to make amends.”

“What am I to do, Linhardt? I must suffer this punishment.”

“Learn from it. _That's_ what the Professor wants of you. Not that you suffer, but that you learn. Only then will you be forgiven.” He shrugged. “Face it, you don't always know what's best for other people.”

“It is my _duty_ to know what is best for my people.”

“But Bernadetta and I are not your people. We're your classmates. Your friends. And there's no need for you to take up the Aegir mantle just yet. You should relax a bit while you're still able.” 

Ferdinand couldn't help but smile a little at that very Linhardt advice. 

"You're not a bad person, Ferdinand. You might irritate me sometimes, but even I know that you would never purposefully hurt a lady. Or a friend." Linhardt held out his hand. “Will you come with me? Class is going to start soon. We should try not to be late.”

So much trust, offered so readily. Even if he did not deserve it, he could not be so crude as to reject it. Until now he had always considered Linhardt lazy, unrefined. He'd worried if he would be able to hold his own on the battlefield. But the strength in his soft words revealed a soul more powerful than Ferdinand had imagined. 

He reached out and took Linhardt’s hand. “I will. But there is someone I must talk to first.”

***

This time, he demanded nothing of her, not even that she open the door. The “truce” they came to was wholly agreeable, and he came away from it with lightened heart and shoulders, and a far greater understanding of the friend he had so grievously wronged. 

Linhardt was waiting for him in the dormitory courtyard. “Feeling better?”

“I am. And more importantly, Bernadetta is as well.”

“I'm glad to hear.”

He raised his head, let the morning sun warm his face. Linhardt eyed him with what might have been amusement, but said nothing. 

"I am truly grateful for your counsel,” Ferdinand told him. “Truly, I could embrace you!" He remembered himself and stepped back. "Er, I will not, of course..." It would hardly do to repeat his error. 

Linhardt shrugged. "I wouldn't mind."

He stood obligingly as Ferdinand drew him close, willing him to understand the service he had done, the torment he had lifted him from!

“Um, you two are going to be late if you just stand there…” a familiar voice said. 

He pulled away to find Bernadetta peeking out at them from behind the stack of books in her arms. 

Linhardt waved at her. “Good morning, Bernadetta.”

“Lin! I have another book for you. Uh…” She nudged the top book forward with her nose. Ferdinand reached out to take it before it could fall and passed it to Linhardt. 

Bernadetta blushed. “Sorry! Thanks!”

Unfortunately, her next step caused the whole pile to topple to the ground. 

Ferdinand knelt to gather up the books, noting their titles as he did so. _The Man-Eating Flowers of Brigid. Ferocious Beasts of the Western Wilds. Advanced Archery Tactics_. Perhaps there was something to those old rumors of the terrifying daughter of House Varley. 

“Sorry…” Bernadetta said again as he handed them back. 

“It is no trouble. I could carry some of these for you.”

“Oh!” she said. “That would be good! Thanks!” She held out the stack so he could pull the heaviest volumes from her burden. 

“As much as I would love to stay here and talk, Linhardt reminded them, “we do have to get to class…” 

They hurried into the classroom just before the lesson began. And as they took their seats, Ferdinand could have sworn he saw the smallest flicker of an approving smile on the Professor’s face. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was not supposed to turn into mild Ferdinand/Lin shipping, but then Ferdinand insisted on having Lots Of Feelings about Lin helping him...


End file.
